Are you on the edge of feeling?
I have at least 3 topics I could write about today. In fact, I spent an hour editing a piece until I realized it wasn’t working. I was avoiding sharing about what’s really going on.
I desperately want to ignore the reality that once again, I am packing my belongings, and leaving a physical place that feels like, or has felt like home.
There has been freedom and joy and flexibility in not having a lease since August 2020. AND when I landed in California in January 2023, the intention was different than my past digital nomad adventures.
I loudly proclaimed to family and friends, on the east and west coasts, that I was “testing out California.” That I was considering where in this world I wanted to sign a lease. My flight takes off tomorrow morning, and I still don’t have an answer.
I wish I made a decision and I wish I hadn’t been so loud. Life is funny like that, right?
When I sit with the truth, I acknowledge that I still do not know. That I am grieving leaving a place I love while simultaneously feeling excited about reuniting with friends and family I miss and adore.
If you haven’t been to Topanga, it’s the sweetest neighborhood, where the mountains meet the sea. I breathe easier the moment I arrive at Route 27. Driving on the winding road literally took me “home” these past two months, but really, it transported me to me.
After a month of writing about transitions in March, I realized the obvious: life is one big transition, and I am still smack in the middle of it. I always will be, we always will be. If you’re looking for an answer that you don’t yet have, remind yourself that it is okay to not know, because… it is okay. I’m right here with you.
Since starting this substack, throughout each week I jot down ideas to myself, and then I’ll write from there. Here are 3 lines from my notes app that inspired today’s post and basically all mean the same thing:
When you’re on the edge of being able to feel
The in between / feelings / processing
I’m on the edge, of feeling
Anyways…
I’m no longer on the edge. Yesterday’s mascara is all over my face. And I almost never wear mascara. If you’ve been on the edge of feeling, I invite you to join me.
xoxo,
Amanda
PS In case no one told you today, I love you.
PPS Info below for upcoming We All Feel Support Group 💕
We All Feel: IRL Support Group for Adults starting 4/17
Who: For adults who feel (aka all of us)
What: This is not a therapy group, rather a safe space to be supported, to share, to listen & be listened to. I guide the group with writing prompts, creative activities and of course, opportunities for you to speak about what’s really going on.
When: Monday’s 7:15pm-8:45pm starting 4/17
Where: Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Register: Fill out this form to schedule a 10 minute call with me where I’ll provide more info, answer your questions, and make sure group is the right fit!